Mothering in the digital age

(4 min read) Scientists are predicting that within the next few decades babies could be born with a second type of eyelid to function as extra protection against extended screen usage.  This is merely a hypothesis based on adaptation predictions without hard evidence but... I can't say I'm surprised. The average person spends 7 hours looking at screens every day. 7 HOURS. That's almost 50% of the time a person is awake! I want to be very clear that I am not anti-tech. I am obviously writing this email on a screen, my kids get screen time and my husband works in IT.

Here is what I am against:

1. The fact that moms have had no choice but to use technology to pacify children because they have no other support or can't afford other childcare arrangements

2. The lack of information available to moms about the quality of screen choices and the pros/cons of screens for children especially based on age and child development

Tech in Place of Authentic Support

First, consider that over the last few decades mothers have been robbed of critical support previously provided by family and other in-person communities. While this support decreased, technology availability increased making it easier and easier to use technology in place of previous "village support". Here are some examples of what this looks like today.

If no adult is available to watch the toddler, the TV becomes the babysitter while you finish your work

When you need food and have no time to cook/grocery shop because you have 1000 other things to do, you order delivery or look for a recipe online instead of asking grandma to bring over a pot of soup or sharing a home cooked meal with a neighbor

When you're emotionally drained, without even thinking you hit that social media app for a dopamine hit instead of calling a friend or waiting to talk to someone in-person

These actions are not bad but when they become thoughtless habits they are hurting our mental health as moms and ultimately that of our children as well.

Age Matters

This necessity based use of technology means the content and quality of what children are consuming gets diminished because what is popular isn't always best (Google overstimulating children's shows and you'll find some of the most popular ones at the top of the list). Children should be using technology based on what is developmentally appropriate for their age and minds from infancy to elementary ages to the teenage years- I often wonder if 13 year old me would've survived if I had access to Instagram/Netflix/TikTok. How do you think you would've fared?

Unfortunately, this information is not available so we have to do the research ourselves and we have to have boundaries our children may not like. Mothering in the digital age didn't come with a manual but it would be foolish to leave such a huge portion of our lives up to chance. I'm hoping this email empowers you to consider the quality and quantity of screen usage in your home starting with the example you set for your children. 

In closing I want to remind you of 3 important things you can do for your child that a screen will never be able to do:

Provide authentic and timely comfort as the person who has known your child the longest

Provide contextual support in difficult to navigate situations 

Act as an advocate when your child's voice needs to be heard but isn't being listened to

Honor your importance and safeguard your mind. All our kids depend on it. See you in next week!

XO, Naomi Bocaniciu

mom, founder, certified life + business coach