🤍 Mom Guilt

(2 min read) I will shamefully admit that when I was a young teacher I was quick to judge my students' moms. Kids would come in with incomplete homework, not having eaten breakfast or wearing the opposite season's attire and I would tell myself I would never be so disorganized when I had my own kids.

What a huge dose of humility came my way when I became a mother and had to start dealing with the thousands of things moms have to do behind the scenes that non-mothers don't understand. (FYI to this day my own kids sometimes don't get their homework done, eat toast on the drive to school, or grab the wrong coat for the day's weather).

The reality is that when you are a mom, you are not only responsible for the unseen emotional health and attachment your child needs at a fundamental level, but also the physical tasks required to allow everyone in your family to function. Tasks that take time, energy and precious brain space (a sparse commodity if you have any other responsibilities like work outside the home,  a child with special needs, absent partner, unique life situation, etc.)

Having all these tasks and not enough time and energy to complete them will naturally lead to things being left undone or not done to the standard you wish. This discrepancy between romanticized goals and actual reality is where mom guilt lives.

Mom guilt comes from the inner feeling of judging ourselves which stems from the perceived judgement and actual judgment of others. Here are the 2 things that need to happen for mom guilt to decrease.

#1 Mom shaming must stop at every single level. It is obtusely inappropriate for anyone, particularly non-mothers, to judge mothers. No one understands what an individual mom is going through, what is happening in her home, or what her thoughts and decisions are based on. This is important at the individual level but moreso at a societal level. What mothers are expected to produce- things like lavish birthday parties, tailored outfits, excessive extracurriculars, etc. are beautiful experiences for a child but they should not be expected norms. 

#2 Consider where you are judging yourself and truly assess, am I actually doing something worthy of guilt? If the answer is yes, then do something about it or start researching how to change but if your answer is no, start affirming for yourself that you are doing the best you can with what you have and what you know.

Here is my proven formula for how to avoid mom guilt in your own mind: "Know what your child needs and provide it." If you are not sure what your child needs, start by looking at my hierarchy of child development needs pyramid. I genuinely hope these words support you because your mental health is sacred and there truly is no room for unjust thoughts that bring you and your children down.

Honor your importance and safeguard your mind. All our kids depend on it. See you next Sunday!

XO, Naomi

mom, founder, certified life + business coach

www.highachievingmomsclub.com