me as mom VS me as individual

(3 min read) As a first time mom I became extremely confused about my identity. I saw myself as two separate entities- intellectual Naomi and nurturing Naomi. On the one hand I felt a strong sense of accomplishment in my pre-motherhood life. On the other hand I felt fulfillment beyond measure as a mother to my new baby. Over time it became even more difficult to navigate this hazy situation because various experiences allowed me to grow into each role yet my identities always seemed to be competing with each other. You can read the whole story here.

It's common for mothers to feel like they have lost their sense of self as they prioritize their children's needs over their own. This can be especially true for high achieving moms who before becoming moms were simply high achieving individuals. This identity crisis leads to feelings of confusion, anxiety, frustration and even resentment of motherhood. This is normal and way more common than we think.

As if it wasn't confusing enough to biologically default to prioritizing our children's needs over our own we're then met with "make sure you prioritize self-care". So let's recap- we're supposed to nurture our children and provide them with a beautiful life experience while maintaining the same standard on the non-mom to do list as before having kids AND THEN make sure to also find time and energy to care for self. 

It is exhausting.

And it's unfair. What should be happening- moms should be supported to integrate their identity into their motherhood (2 year paid maternity leave, flexible work schedules, and access to high quality childcare would be a great start). But unfortunately we are high achieving individuals and we get little support from others so we are left to figuring it out on our own.

Here is how I'm handling it in my life-  I have accepted that I have two core identities. I have been working reallyyyyyyy hard to integrate my identities as well as the need to care for myself on an emotional, physical, social and spiritual level. What this looks like for me- I founded the High Achieving Moms Club which allows me to do research to teach others and help me mother my own kids. It has also been an amazing source of quality socialization because I get to run events (see upcoming ones below)! I also try to plan activities that are dual purposed self-care for me and my kids (we love going on walks, reading and painting together). I am so passionate about this I went as far as to invent a new word>> Mirvana: the ultimate state of balance as a mother and highly capable individual. 

My challenge to you if you're in the middle of an identity crisis is to find ways to integrate your identities and the need for the care you need as an individual. This can look so many different ways and it may take some trial and error. If you've integrated your identity as a mom and highly capable individual, I invite you to support another mom in your life that may not be there yet. You will know you are on the right path when you feel more grounded, confident and present in your role as a mother and highly capable individual. Need help? Check out my life coaching packages.

Honor your importance and safeguard your mind. All our kids depend on it. See you in next Sunday's e-newsletter.

XO, Naomi

mom, founder, certified life + business coach

www.highachievingmomsclub.com